ivory.rose.

marketing intern strikes again

Wednesday starts the beginning of the end. First real day of work. Real day meaning: graduated college- check, quit first real job- check, and made my internship a career- check. So what’s next? Move out- I think so…

wonder women

i do not like to admit this, but YES i fail sometimes.

sometimes i fail at getting things done on time, sometimes i fail at returning calls, and sometimes i fail at little things like waking up on time. but yes, sometimes i fail at huge things, huge things that i wish i could just pass at. yes i failed recently. i made plans and could not come through on time. i wanted to do soemthing that i thought would be a lot of funa nd a new adventure, something that i thought would be ideal, but you know what i failed. i fucking failed. i failed at the one thing i could always count on, or if not always, always be able to acheive. i usually do that. but this time nope, epic fail. this mens no to everything i had planned. it sucks and i did nto go down without a fight. fuck this shit. 

i failed. i failed at getting a job!

yes it hurts you, yours dreams, and your living situations, but you know what, what about me! you have everything i wanted and now what i was is that much more unatainable. gees, what a winner i feel like. yeah, right. i failed. i failed. i failed. and i am sorry. i cant do it all even though i position myself and others to believe it to be true. but i FAILED! 

i failed. i could not do it. i am sorry.

i cant get a job in time.

i failed.

im not wonder women, even though i wish to be.

yes, i failed. 

FWB

Confession: My best girl friend’s boyfriend has the HOTTEST friend. God it’s like when I see him I just want to rip off his t shirt to revel that delicious piece of ass dripping with pure muscle…

So what if he has a girl friend…she is on the other side of the country and he is only here for the summer.

I am working on getting what I want- what’s so wrong with that? I mean except everything…

Yesh.Bitches.Please.Hate.Me.

question!?!

Why is it so easy to hate someone you once loved? 

must be busy…always

i love being completely busy. i love having my schedule so compact that it makes the way i pack my suitcases look organized and neat. i love that when when i get up i have to pack a bag for everything up until the point that i get home and crash just to get up and start it all over again. these past 3 days of not having work, school, or really much of anything going on has not been the vacation that people said it would be, but instead has been my own hell. my friends aren’t home or are busy and are so use to having me be busy that they don’t call to make plans cuz i am the one who does it when i am free, but am use to freedom being so far and few between that i have let people fall by the way side and it sucks and hurts. but come monday, i will be busy and i cannot wait. i just have to make sure that i will not let people fall by the way side. i love my friends and have to make sure they know and are constantly reminded. mission accepted! 

ohh man.

so i think i look at too many things like i am a dude…

i mean people have told me this many ah time, like that i am cold hearted, too sarcastic, confusing, too easy going, or that i am just an honest, loud mouthed, bitch whore.

well i mean those are all right, but i dont think it is a bad thing.

i mean why wouldnt you just want to be an honest, laid back girl who knows what she wants and works hard until it happens. its not a bitch thing, its just me.

one thing i truly hate is that when girls just want to get a piece of ass, its cuz we have low self esteem or are whore, but what about the amount of us that doesn’t want to make every boy we sleep with into our boyfriends and that the fact that we do not mind seeing them again for something sexual or not and truly feel no different towards them. like if i see them, talk with them, and don’t throw a huge bitch fit about god only knows what, and just chat it up with them like a friend, its cuz they are a freidn, that i just so happened to fuck..no big deal to me.

anddd…when i am looking to lock down a boy, oh they do NOT get this type of treatment..they must work hard for it, cuz i am a girl i like to the wined and dined, shown shivery, and told funny jokes too, you know the whole thing. however, even though i see the lines between all of these relationships, others don’t always see it. so then i run into the issue of the one i want knowing about the one times funs times and them thinking thats going to be them. sometimes i fall suit into that for them and just let it be other times i do not pay any attention to them any longer, but sometimes i hold strong cuz if i think they are worth waiting for i will make sure they think the same of me and if they don’t then shoot peace out douche!! hehe.

soo here i am, looking for a good summer fling- hot and sticky just like summer weather should be- then at then end either cuddle up with it like a my favorite sweater or toss it in the trash like the flip flops i used and abused all summer long. 

may is my month

4 yrs and 4 days ago…i was hired for starbucks… cinco de mayo was my first day cuz even though i was only 17, thought i could go out for drinks afterwards… 

today..may 5th…i was hired for all recipes…and i am going out for drinks!! ahh! 

cinco de mayo..i think i love you. 

maybe just incriments of 5 days in may…i wonder what is going to happen may 10th, 2015…4 days and 4 years from today…ahh shit!!

conspiracy theory starts now!! 

vroom vroom

thats right i hide you! 

you were bad for me… now i know… and i am moving on!

worry

sometime i worry that i am going to never be happy until i am out of here. but then i think well shoot, i will never be able to come back to this, but is it something that i really care about? cuz like it was just two years, yeah two years of complete change but its over, well soon to be, and all i can think of is getting out of here! like everyday i walk home, i just wish i wasn’t here. i do not know where i want to be, but just not here would be lovely. i dread school, i dread my internship, work is an escape, i love the people in my classes and thats why i go. i feel like i have not learned anything new and no matter how much i try, my brain in only going to retain so much and that it is on overload right now, so that the lack of sleep and lack of pure caring is helping the spillover of knowledge or lack there of increase. i just want to not move home, but not live here. i am have been thinking a lot about the idea of leaving. just like putting all of my shit in storage and saying peace out mother fuckers!! and just leave. i mean yeah i would miss people and i hope to god that people would miss me t impaticent  oo, but just that need and desire to get the hell out of here is increasing day by day, minute my minute, and god at this moment in time every single key that i stroked my myfigures increases my unadulterated desires to run away. like i don’t even need to go too far, but the farther the better, seriously. the further away i am the less i can spend on everyone and everything else. shit. i gotta do me. heard that one a lot and it is becoming more and more cliche, especially i feel as my generation continues to experiment with life and shit, “doing me” should be the name of our generation not y or x or whatever shit we call it. but not even proper “doing me” but “jus gotta do me” like not proper fucking english and super lazy, but it is in tune with our hipster/gangsta/whatever we want to be generation. the generation where we do not have to grow up..ever..even if we have kids of our own, a house of our own, and a real job, our parents will still swoop in and rescue us or someone will or we will be just left out to dry and be super tortured about it. pretty sure that its not that i could be a toured soul, but fuck i am. i just wanna do me and get out of this awkward depressed slump that i am in. i.just.want.to.smile.for.myself!!